The one I thought I could trust

For that, what I got known of today, you need to now some more information. I had a best friend, who we called Tweek. We were very good friends. And suddenly I fell in love with him. I know that was stupid. More stupid was that I told him. Not just once. First on Whatsapp, later, for once, in person. Everything turned out to become good again, after he'd dumped me. We had great conversations again and everything seemed to get normal again. But then he got known of my brother's girlfriend. Tabea. From the beginning I noticed he liked her very much. But yesterday, when Tim, who's my brother, Tabea and I were on Tweek's birthday party. There everything turned out to be totally broken. Maybe you can think of what's coming now. He wanted to get mor alcohol, so he stood up. Tabea wanted to help him searching, because she also wanted some of what he was going to bring. So they went to the cellar. Down there they kissed. I didn't know that. How could I? But today she told me herself. "He meant it would be awkward to kiss me. But I'd do it again" There we go. Tim and Tabea have an open relationship and I know so. But that doesn't make it any better. My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I tried to play it down, so I took a paper and drew something. Just anything to make this feeling stop. My mind knows it's no big deal. No way he would ever like to kiss me. So way make it something big, when nothing would have happened? But my heart's still telling me: "How could he do that? He knows I loved him and still thinks I do. Why does he want to hurt me? Tabea is such a b*tch! Why the hell does she tell me? I wanted to forget him, not to be jealous, because she kissed him! I hate her so much! I want her to leave my life. Right now!" But the worst is still coming. Tim and Tabea just moved together. But both of them want to spend time with me. At least they say so. So they want to come to my place. The church. Yeah, might sound weird. But I'm not there to pray. I'm singing there in a choir and play drama. And now I also want to dance there. It's not that I wouldn't like to see them there or at all. It's that I don't want HER to be there. And not completely ´cause I can't stand her personality and the things she does. It's more because Tweek's also there. But not in the choir. In the band. And Tim and Tabea would also go there. To the band. I hate myself for saying this, but I don't want Tim and Tabea to be together anymore. You know why? Because Tim is no person for an open relationship. He needs somebody who he can trust in any situation. And Tabea only thinks of herself. Still this isn't all. I already didn't want her to go there, because it's MY place to go. MY free time she ruins. MY life he's disturbing. I want her to leave me. My whole life. No matter what it takes. What am I supposed to do to get with her?

Mood: , ,

6.8.17 16:51, kommentieren



For being honest I do not know what to write. Maybe something about me? Nah. Not such a good idea. Maybe about the life and what it is all about. No, that is much too difficult, because no-one really knows what life is all about. Maybe I could write a story and publish it here. But even that is not what I want to do. Let´s go on thinking. I could write poems and songtexts and publish ´em, but what if I don´t like it in the future? Now I have it. Some piece of crap, that comes to my mind. I think it will be all of what I wrote up there. A short story and a songtext and something about me and what life seems to be all about and... whatever comes to my mind. So let´s start.

I once thought that life was about finding the true love, getting married, getting kids, get much money. That´s it. But that´s not true. Of course is love something wonderful, which you shouldn´t miss, but it´s not all to love just this one person. There is so much more in life. Friends and family as an example. See? We love them. More than anything, because none of us would say "i hate you" to our friends. It´s different if you don´t really like your friends. But usually you love your friends and your family. But what I think is very important as well is a hobby. Or some people like having many hobbies. I, for example, like singing in a choir, acting, playing the guitar and meeting my friends. All of that I can do in one week together. Don´t forget concerts and pen&paper rollplaying. I love that stuff. You have your own things, which you like to do the most. I can only say: Don´t give them up! 

That´s it for today (maybe) (I don´t know).


15.4.17 01:28, kommentieren